Feel like an imposter? Good for you.

I’m an imposter. 

It has taken me decades to admit that. But this admission and the work to embrace it have set me free. As with anything lurking in the shadows of our identity, embracing it is how I’m becoming whole. 

So, what makes me an imposter? Simple, I pretend that I know things, can do things, and am aware of things that keep me being liked by people. That’s how it feels for me and how I’m defining it. 

The list of similar words and definitions is a spectacular display of the creativity of the English language: humbug, charlatan, mountebank, hoodwinker, flimflammer, masquerader, swindler, duper. The list is long. For me, it points to one obvious thing: 

People have been acting like and called out for being imposters for a long time.

And yet, we’re always encouraging each other to “fake it ‘til you make it” or throwing ourselves into situations where we’re not qualified or prepared, yet we walk in there confidently anyway. Motherhood comes to mind. Possibly the most challenging, highly volatile, and demanding job of all time, in which we get little to zero training or practice ahead of time, but we need to show up, day after day, and pretend like we know what we’re doing. 

The truth is, my imposter part isn’t trying to deceive anyone. If anything, she’s just a perfectionist stuck in a world that over-celebrates experts and thought leaders as the only people who can contribute to society. She desires affirmation for what she does instead of seeking it for who she is. She’s earnest and thoughtful in striving to be the opposite of an imposter, but she can come off as a try-hard or a fake in the process. Or worse, she crumbles under the pressure of it all. 

However, when embraced and fully allowed, the imposter allows freedom and fresh thinking. She’s more courageous in what she goes after and can easily flow from knowing to not knowing. She approaches life as practice instead of being locked into what she’s supposed to do or thinks will best play for everyone else. She’s constantly learning, and once that knowledge is integrated, she asks what more there is to understand—constantly questioning, always flowing.
Embracing my imposter has allowed me to embrace that I might not always “know,” but I can always “try.” It’s helping me push beyond my previous constraining boundaries because I’m not holding myself to the standard of having it all, knowing it all, or being it all.

Whew!

At a fundamental and primal level, when I can love the imposter and the expert, I feel like my whole self. It’s counterintuitive but works wonders because it’s just inherently part of me. 

If you want to feel like an expert, let them hold hands with the imposter. If you want to feel connected, embrace the loneliness. If you’re looking for security, find your insecurity and welcome it in. If you want to be intelligent, acknowledge and welcome your mistakes and stupidity. There are benefits to each part. 

They all have a place because they’re all you. 

If you’re looking for support in finding out how to be the best possible version of yourself, reach out to me!